


Wish We Could Be Like That

by supernatural_mondler (1DE3shipper)



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode: s02e07 The Portland Trip, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, but sam just loves him a lot, josh is an angsty boy, please let these boys be happy, soft boyfriends, this was ghostwritten by sam seaborn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-07 00:46:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18399701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1DE3shipper/pseuds/supernatural_mondler
Summary: Post-ep to s2e7 The Portland Trip.  The Marriage Recognition Act.





	Wish We Could Be Like That

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think there are any spoilers here for anything other than this one episode...as with most of my fics, I wrote this between midnight and 3am and genuinely have no recollection of writing parts of it which is why i'm fairly certain that i was temporarily possessed by the spirit of sam seaborn bc this was supposed to be really angsty but he decided he wanted fluff and apparently got his way i have zero control over my fics okay guys sam and josh just kinda do what they want
> 
> I own nothing, title taken from Secret Love Song pt II by Little Mix (aka THE samjosh song istg i didnt even mean to quote it in here it just happened on accident bc it is the perfect song for them okay go listen to it bye)

This first thing Josh did when he got home that night was throw a pillow across the room.

He had had some bad meetings in his life.  Hell, he had had some bad meetings this _week_.  But usually he prided himself on not taking things personally, on keeping himself removed from the issues they worked on, at least while they were working on them.  It was the only way he could advise the President in good faith that he was actually making decisions for the good of the country.  His feelings weren’t supposed to come into play.  They didn’t usually.

Today, it felt like he couldn’t _not_ take it personally.  The President with most of the rest of the staff was in the air somewhere over the Dakotas, Donna was out on a date, Leo was dealing with…something that Josh had no involvement in, and Josh had a last minute meeting with Congressman Matt Skinner.

The damn Marriage Recognition Act.

Honestly just the thought of such a monstrosity made him sick to his stomach, but having to walk away at the end of the night knowing that it would be signed into law, that he couldn’t do anything to stop it…

Coming out to himself had been enough of a struggle.  Coming out to another person had been one of the most terrifying experiences of his life (though worth absolutely every moment).  But the thought of coming out to the world, the world where laws defining marriage and making homosexuality illegal had more widespread support than did any action to just _let people live their fucking lives_ …Josh felt like they were getting further and further from that every day.  At this rate his relationship might just remain a secret between the two of them forever.

He wanted to scream.  Or cry.  Or both.

His thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of his home phone.  He blinked and took a steadying breath; no reason to take out whatever frustration he might be feeling on the poor soul who was calling him so late at night.

“’Lo?” he answered into the receiver.

“ _Hey baby, did you just get home?_ ”

“Sam,” Josh exhaled in relief.  The one voice he needed and wanted to hear right now.

“ _It’s me_.” Sam confirmed.  “ _Just got to the hotel.  Toby told me how your meeting with Skinner went.  Are you okay?_ ”

Josh sighed, rubbing a hand down his face as he made his way to his room.  “No,” he admitted honestly.  “I had to…he’s gonna sign it Sammy.  He’s gonna put it away for a while but he’ll have to sign it eventually.  I couldn’t tell him to veto.  I want him to veto but he can’t and I fucking hate this with all I have.”

“ _I know you do_ ,” Sam soothed.  “ _But you…you did the right thing, love.  There was nothing else you could’ve done._ ”

“And doesn’t that make you mad?!” Josh exclaimed.  “Doesn’t that just…how does that not drive you crazy?!”

“ _It does drive me crazy, Josh, are you kidding?!_ ” Sam retorted.  “ _But there’s nothing we can do right now._ ”

“That’s what…y’know what,” Josh shook his head, even though he knew Sam couldn’t see.  “What do we do, Sammy?” he whispered.  “What are we gonna do?”

Sam was quiet for a minute.  “ _I don’t know, love.  I wish I did.  You don’t even know how much I wish I did._ ”

But Josh thought he did know how much, if it was anything like how he felt as he walked out of the West Wing today.  Sometimes he felt like he could change the whole world in less than an hour, and sometimes where it felt like nothing he did would ever be enough.  Today was one of those days.

“ _Josh, talk to me_ ,” Sam encouraged softly.  “ _I know this feels different, but we’re not giving up, okay?  We’re down, but we’re not out.  Not by a long shot.  You got that?_ ”

Josh sat down on the edge of his bed, kicking off his shoes but not undressing any further before lying down on top of the covers.

“I just—”

“ _You got that?_ ” Sam repeated.

“Yeah,” Josh sighed.  “I’m not—I’m not giving up.  I just wish I knew what to do.”

“ _Well, it’ll probably end up in the courts for one_.”

“And you think the courts are going to—”

“ _I don’t know, Josh, but it’s a start.  It could get struck down.  At the very least it’s going to get attention.  That we can make sure of.  And then we work on flipping the House and the Senate in two years._ ”

Josh laughed.  “Even if we somehow get both houses of Congress, and we actually get Democrats to work with us, what the hell makes you think repealing the Marriage Recognition Act is going to fall anywhere near the top of their to do list?  Or ours, for that matter, since apparently we have to make him sign the damn thing, _god_ Sammy what the hell are we even—”

“ _Hey, hey, come on_ ,” Sam interrupted.  “ _Even if he vetoes, they have the votes to override easily.  That’s why he has to sign it.  You know he doesn’t like this any more than we do._ ”

Josh sighed.  He did know that.  The President had protested pretty heavily on the phone, even as Josh and Leo were passing along the recommendation.  He knew they had an ally in him, and he knew that just one word of… _this_ …and the President would take out the stamp and then burn the paper to shreds.

Which is exactly why they couldn’t say anything.  Because then it would become personal, and Josh had vowed not to make his work personal.  Especially not when it came to the President.  It wasn’t about them, it was about everyone else.  And this just happened to be about the tens of thousands of other gay couples who were about to be told that their country didn’t think their marriage was valid.

It made him want to scream.

“This is personal, Sam,” Josh admitted.  “And I know that’s where we usually get into trouble is when we take this stuff to personally, but it is, and I don’t know if I can just—”

“ _Woah, whoever said it wasn’t personal?_ ” Sam asked.  “ _I’m serious.  Of course this is personal.  Everything we do is personal.  And I know you hate it, but that’s a good thing.  Because it’s personal for a hell of a lot more people than just the two of us.  And those people are scattered around the country and they’re scared and betrayed and they need someone to fight for them.  That’s gonna be us, Josh.  You and me.  It’s not gonna stand because we’re not going to let it stand.  I swear to god Josh I’m going to marry you one day and it’s going to be legal and it’s going to be beautiful and I’m going to shout it from the damn rooftops.  So yeah, this is really fucking personal._ ”

Josh felt tears prickling the corners of his eyes, even as his mouth curved into a grin.  “You want to marry me?”

“ _Of course I do, dumbass_ ,” Sam laughed, and Josh could practically hear him rolling his eyes.  “ _We’ve been together almost three years now, and that’s not counting the year before I went to law school and you didn’t actually know we were dating—even though we definitely were.  You didn’t think that after all this I was planning on letting you go ever, did you?_ ”

“No, I suppose not,” Josh replied casually, though inside he thought his heart might beat out of his chest.  In all honesty, he hadn’t thought too much about his future with Sam.  He had always assumed that they would have _some_ sort of future together, but things like this coming across his desk would always snap him back to the reality that they might never truly get to be together the way they wanted, the way they could if one of them was a woman.  It was stupid, but Josh had a hard time believing that something so amazing in his life would actually work out in the end.  Surely something would come along just when he was his happiest and rip it all way?

Sam didn’t believe that, and Josh knew this because Sam had reminded him of that.  Repeatedly.  Sam, god bless him, had gotten under Josh’s skin and into his heart and mind until he seemed to know every detail of what made Josh tick.  He knew what Josh needed to hear and when, when Josh needed genuine reassurances that he deserved good things and when he needed a kick in the rear to stop moping.

“ _So we’re going to do this_ ,” Sam continued.  “ _For the teenagers growing up in small towns and wondering if they’ll ever be accepted for who they are.  For the thousands of gay couples wondering what their lives are going to look like a year or ten years from now.  And_ ,” he paused, and Josh pictured him closing his eyes and counting to ten, the way he did when he wanted to make sure his words had caught up with his thoughts.  “ _We’re going to do this for us.  Because after everything we’ve done already for this country, and everything we still have yet to do, we deserve to have this.  Loving you is the most amazing thing I’ve ever done, Josh.  I’m not going to let anyone tell me that it’s wrong._ ”

“Sammy…” Josh breathed, unsure how to even respond to that.

“ _I guess what I’m trying to say_ ,” Sam exhaled, like his speech had drained him.  “ _Is that this isn’t it.  There’s no way it ends here.  So get mad if you want, but don’t give up.  That’s not what Josh Lyman does._ ”

Josh laughed.  “Yeah, I know.  And I am mad.”

“ _Good.  Well, not good_ ,” Sam amended, “ _because I’m not denying that this whole thing sucks.  But…yeah._ ”

“Yeah,” Josh repeated.  “Yeah.  Thanks, and, y’know…loving you is the most amazing thing I’ve done too.”

Sam breathed out a chuckle and Josh would bet anything that he was blushing.  “ _Well…good.  So you’re okay?_ ”

“I’m okay,” Josh confirmed.  “Are you okay?”

“ _I’m amazing_ ,” Sam replied softly.  “ _I have an incredible boyfriend, friends who I know would support me in a second, and a job where I get the opportunity to do real good for real people.  I don’t think it gets much better._ ”

“So the speech is done then?” Josh asked.  Sam groaned on the other end of the line and Josh had to stifle a giggle at his frustration.

“ _Please don’t get me started_ ,” Sam begged.  “ _Toby and I barely survived the flight I need a break._ ”

“You don’t like what you settled on then.”

“ _It’s…well, I’m sure you’ll see a copy at some point tomorrow.  It’ll do the job.  Apparently we can’t overhaul the public education system on a single flight._ ”

“No, I imagine that would be hard to do,” Josh no longer bothered concealing his amusement.  “You’ll get it though.  Rome wasn’t built in a day and all that.  You’ll get there.”

“ _And we’ll get there with the Marriage Recognition Act_ ,” Sam finished.  “ _Okay?_ ”

“I already agreed with you honey, what more do you want?” Josh feigned exasperation.

“ _You know there’s not actually a limit to the number of times you can agree with me, right?_ ” Sam teased.  “ _You know the floor isn’t going to open up and swallow you whole if you say ‘you’re right’ three times in a conversation._ ”

“Well, seeing as how that has never happened we have no proof, so I don’t think we should take our chances.”

“ _An experiment for another day_ ,” Sam agreed.  “ _It’s getting late there, though.  You should try to sleep._ ”

Josh laughed.  “Right.”

“ _Josh, I’m serious._ ”

“I know you are.  I just don’t know how realistic that’s going to be right now.  Tonight would be a good night for you to be here,” Josh admitted, and he heard Sam sigh.

“ _I know, love.  I wish we didn’t have to be apart tonight, I wish you didn’t have to have that conversation at all.  But you do need to sleep.  Please try?  For me?_ ”

Josh rolled his eyes, cradling the phone between his shoulder and his ear so he could begin to strip out of his work clothes.  “’Course I’ll try.  I just can’t promise success.”

“ _Well, try harder_ ,” Sam huffed.  “ _Do you need me to tell Leo that I can’t go on trips without you because you need a babysitter?_ ”

Josh flinched slightly at the thought of telling anyone about them, as joking as Sam made it sound, especially after the day he’d had.  “That’s…that’s also a conversation for another day.”

“ _It is_ ,” Sam agreed.  “ _So you’ll sleep?_ ”

Josh sighed.  “Yeah honey, I’ll sleep.”

“ _Thank you.  I’ll call you when I get a free minute tomorrow, okay?_ ”

“Yeah, just leave a message with Donna if I’m not around.”

“ _You don’t think she’ll ask why?_ ”

“Well, that’s why you leave a message with her,” Josh explained, rolling his eyes.  “She’ll probably assume that you wanted her to deliver that message and continue to go about her day.”

“ _Right.  Yeah, okay.  I’ll let you go now.  Sleep tight, Josh.  I love you so much._ ”

“Yeah, you too Sammy,” Josh replied, voice thick with emotion.  “I miss you.  I love you.”

Sam hung up with one last “ _goodnight_ ” and Josh was alone with his thoughts again.  He finished getting ready for bed mechanically, leaving the phone on his nightstand to return it to its cradle in the morning.  He wasn’t kidding when he said he needed Sam there.  They didn’t spend every night together (at the very least they needed to keep separate apartments for appearance’s sake), but unless one of them was travelling they usually had the option if they needed it.  The bed felt too big without Sam there to hold him.

He wasn’t giving up.  As much as he felt like curling into a ball and crying and never interacting with the outside world again, he had promised Sam he wouldn’t give up and he really wasn’t in the practice of breaking his promises to Sam.  So maybe he would shed a few tears, and maybe he would scream into his pillow (having the apartment to himself did have one benefit), and maybe he would punch the empty space where his boyfriend should be.

But he would fall asleep eventually, and when he woke up he would start it all again.  He’d go into work and he’d take meetings he had no desire to take and make concessions that he had no desire to make and he’d probably shed hundreds of more tears before it was all said and done but Sam would be there to catch them and that made it a little more—not okay, but bearable.  Worth it.

Because he was going to marry Sam one day, and it would be legal, and it would be beautiful, and he would shout it from the damn rooftops and in the meantime he would do everything in his power to make that possible.

**Author's Note:**

> comments make me a very happy writer so please let me know what you think?
> 
> @spn_mondler on twitter, come be my friend and cry over samjosh with me


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